From crashing dumb tea parties to free food, from yummy waffles to bad-tasting popcorn, from kebab in taco to cheese sausages without cheese inside, from popcorn chicken to an auntie dropping popcorn chicken on the floor, from boon lay to bugis, from scrumtious JCo donuts to supermarket sprees.

It was short but a good bookout. Trying out a new outlook. Be happy when you bookout and dont think about army, or booking in, or whatever. But I still felt down when I had to leave. Gah. Book in lo.

No matter how many times I have done it, every book in still seems the same. No matter how long the week ahead, no matter what is on the agenda, its still the same feeling of dread.

I hate walking around the supermarket myself. I hate it because its when I am all alone looking for a little something to make my week ahead somewhat better. I hate it when the supermarket sucks and has a small collection of sweets and snacks. I just wasted my time outside just now. =(

Ack. It has almost been 5 months now. I still feel the very same since the moment I stepped into this. And I suddenly recall why I chose not to go to command school. The precise emotions, the apparent weakness within. Sigh. 539 days! Thats like forever!!!!!

Yesterday was great. At least I got to see most of the people again. What we did was not important I guess, even when we were just sitting around at that random place, it was still beautiful.

Sigh. Good times are never enough I guess. All that I feel for the weeks ahead is dread. Dread of losing my freedom again. And that burnt weekend. Not being able to have time out.

I will miss you people. =(

The block leave is gone, in a blink of an eye. Perhaps I have been sleeping far too much, but yes the 3 days are over. But I guess it was rather okay. Block leave is not as wonderful as it sounds actually. People are either in army or working. Thankfully there are the people at poly, and also the unemployed (though they should really get a job soon), and thats about how I spent my block leave.

Day 1 was really about staying at home, lets call it reorientation back to a civilian life. And thats about what I did. Got my rest. Played PSP. Got used to using a computer on a weekday. And stuff like that. Though I would rather prefer to be out and about. =X Its called planning I guess. Staying at home abit so that I can go out more. Pleasing the folks.

Day 2 was an extension of day 1. Stayed at home pretty much. Today was sec school friends day, for old times sake. But I guess being at poly doesnt exactly mean they would be very free too. So it was only in the late afternoon that I left home. Didn really do much, but it was good catching up time. I must say I laughed more in 1 night then I did in a week at the army. Denan was super high, and for a good reason I guess. Just want to wish you good luck with the new commitments. =)

Day 3 was a finally a day that started early and right. Finally got to watch my $6 movie at Cathay Downtown East. And yes good movie too, Made of Honor is funny, nice songs, nice nice nice. Okay lah. Perhaps I am exaggarating but I am deprived most of my life so dont blame me. The rest of the day was kind of boring, the girls talking about their work and their stuff, but it was okay lah. At least I was not at home. Met Kenneth, Yonghuang, Leayee and Lixian for dinner. So it ended off pretty well. At least I got to see loads of people that I havent seen for a damm long long time. 2 weeks only actually. But hell it seems like forever.

So its over, but heck I got 2 and a half days more to go. Tomorrow seems fun, celebrating of May birthdays, though there isnt much of a plan yet. But been a long time since everyone was together. Hope all will be there.

6 days and many mosquito bites later, my longest week ever in unit is finally over. It sucked but its finally over. Only got to go home this morning and I need to go back tonight. =( Besides that, I cannot really figure how the mosquitoes at the guard room never get full. I have like easily 30-40 bites all over my body and its very itchy. Crappers. And the programme of the week was super draggy, kind of reminded me of old days. But yeah, now all I have to do is go through 2 days and what I have been waiting for will just arrive.

[ A sign of insecurity I guess, or more like in present conditions, it was more of an admittance of my weaknessto myself, the inability to accept the facts. It was not a virgin encounter definitely, dreams of this variety, though this time, it was one of escalated magnitude.

The fear, the helplessness, the familiar emotions. It felt so realistic, so possible, and yes, painful. It was the first time I was glad to wake up to realise I was in camp instead of that dreadful position. But then the harder reality hit me. It was 4.38am. ]

But on the good side, I guess this saturday duty was the best deal I could get. At least I got too book out on friday for a few hours, while other people have to stay in on friday nights for saturday duty. Didnt get to go home, but had a good meal and then went for a little walk with my dad at Vivocity. Was kind of nice cause I cant really remember the last time I did something like that.

Besides, I had a new game to play throughout the whole saturday afternoon. So I guess it was pretty bearable besides the lack of sleep. But then again, this time it was with all the people I know. Next next sunday, I cannot imagine. But that is a long time later. I know what I have to look forward to now. BLOCK LEAVE! 6 days of freedom. Geez I am excited, especially since I didnt see the peeps this weekend.

Just 2 days.

The same place, the same fashion sense, the same people and the same activity. Nogalstic. Yet so much has changed. The roles have changed. The one doing the physics questions was no longer the student worried about her own future but a tutor whose concern was the future of her tutees. The jazzy beats that used to air were now replaced with sentimental love songs.

The same teeshirts and shorts but now some of us sported red hair while some concealed their crop in caps. The time frame was still short but the urgency now was not how many questions we could complete for the day but when we could move on to entertain ourselves and indulge in quality time that came all too seldom now. It has only been six months.

Half a year is neither long or short. Yet the world will continue to go pass. In these months, we sat through the painful A levels and got back the results. The tears were shed, the efforts were rewarded, and now some of us have even gotten our university placings.

In these months, our girls have joined the workforce. Meekly and slowly at first but now it is but part and parcel of life. They have shed their uniforms for office wear and dread going to work every morning.

For the boys, all of us have finally bid goodbye to our pink identifications. We have traded our blue uniforms for green ones and we wear name tags just like in primary school. Apprehensive and not knowing what to expect, we joined the force. Now we are in different places. Some officers to be, some specialists, others normal men. Regardless where we are, we dread waking each morning.

Different places, different experiences, same feelings.

I guess thats why we are still together. And I am glad for that. Glad that though I once lost my hair, and now it has almost grown back to its former glory, we are still tight.

Some things just dont change do they? =)

Yet other things that should change remain too...

=============================================

Sorry for that. I just had to post something not so direct after just writing the words so plain like black on white for previous weeks. So I thought why not make use of my rested mind to whip up something warped. Hahas.

Okay, and here the plain words start again. My brothers party was quite cool. It was of a gathering of his close friends I guess. Something I would probably prefer in future, since I am not much more of a social animal compared to him. Anyway, some of his friends are quite on, and I got to see some of the bowling seniors too. Funny how people who were once normal students could hold high ranks in the army now. It just suddenly strikes me that all the NSFs are all the same actually. And yes my brother had so many presents lah. So cool. And his cake was damm nice too. But I am lazy to post pictures. Hehe.

So I didn get to watch ironman on thursday due to the party. Didnt get to meet Terence or Shuting this week. Watched a movie yesterday but it was crap. And spent loads of time just chilling around. But it was good time as usual. The plans for Kenneths and Leayees birthdays are getting me excited. Cause it has been so long since we had good fun. Sigh. Whatever the plans are, I am sure they will be good.

From a short week to a super long one, and super dreadful one too. First things first, 2 guard duty in one week is not cool. Especially so since one is on Saturday. Double not cool. Secondly, having guard duty right after IPPT is so like retarderSAUR. I be probably stoning during duty. Sleeping and sleepwalking. Rawr.

Oh well the consolation is that the following week is a 2 day week. Block leave week! I need to look forward.

And I sure hope I get a silver this time for IPPT. Jump alvin JUMP!