3 months to crap a watch. 11 months to kill a phone. I guess I really have problem with good looking devices. Though clumsy would be a better word.

It has been a really lousy week. I think it would probably start with the phone issue. Okay theres handphone pokemon craze around, and after lots of efforts, I finally got the game going in my phone. Some hours later, the LCD goes and nothing can be seen. Game over.

Next day, was still feeling like crap over my phone. And a certain teacher who is currently on my blacklist (no pun intended) had to randomly choose me with a drop of her pen to go for college day since no one volunteered. I mean I can like have better luck than that right? Anyway I managed to wriggle my way out of the situation. Fortunately for the teacher I didnt have any mood to shoot the teacher. Because, I seriously can do it if I want to. Damm the teacher.

Next up would be chemistry test. I somehow got 3 out of 30, probably the bottom of the class. I seriously wonder how I wrote so much and didn get a single mark. I just got the first question perfectly right for 3 marks. And I did study to some extent, which is very worrying. Perhaps I didnt memorise. But I did for retest. Memorised the answers. How cool is that? Lets wait up for the results then.

Back to the phone then. I sent it for repairs today. And the great almighty warranty doesnt cover the damage done. Estimated cost? $100. Great. The verdict will come in about 2-3 days though. I could buy a new phone with $100 man. I was looking, w580i looks savvy. Though I wonder how much wrecked phone is worth for trade in now. So I guess I should just stick with repairs. Oh well, maybe things are not as bad. Maybe suddenly a chirpy person will call from Samsung and say oh we feel so fine we going to repair it for free! Sure. Im hoping.

I think I have discipline problems. I cant focus for long at home. Computer, TV, everything calls out to me. Especially since I get stuck in alot of work. I need to catch up, yet I keep falling in quick sand, and no quick sand does not make me quicker in case you were wondering, it makes me sink and be slower. I need to learn to leap, over all this. Or I could do work outside the house. One, someone can unstuck me in times of stuckness. Two, distractions are minimised. Just not too many people. But how to get people? It seems wierd to ask now, especially since study group didnt work back in June. I could do with someone to pull me from the quick sand.

I need a miracle, and very very very strong determination.

And I need to cut down on computer usage. So I probably try to blog once a week from now on. So dont read anymore.

Rainy day. Beautiful. Gentle raindrops falling from the sky, washing away the mess in our lives. Makes me drowsy too. Would be greater if it was just another day in my life, where I have all the time to waste, all the time to while away, listening to the rhythm of the falling rain. Not today.

Thats the problem with the life here. It is far too fast paced. How often do we really get to appreciate what is around us? The wonders of nature. A simple question can prove my point, how often do we really notice what the celling of a room looks like? Not very often in my case. And since the dogs of exam stress had been set upon me, there is even less space to slow down.

I think I am really working harder, though it is probably not enough still. I still find myself not being able to sustain for long at home. I somehow like to get over any obstacle I hit as soon as possible. Otherwise, I will get distracted, frustrated and what not. So I will hit the com to find my answer, and waste more time there. Especially since people seem to not have the same problem as me. They seem online less often now. Less people to ask questions. More time wasted.

I guess I really need group study. Not group study perhaps. Maybe just a study partner, or 3 people or 4. I guess the June holiday group was far too big. It would be nice to have someone to do homework and revise with during weekends too. But its abit early now. Continue struggling by myself.

Okay I guess I went off path. This was supposed to be a nice post. No complains and no nonsense. I guess I cant help it. My life is crapped up now.

But today was a beautiful day anyway. I love rain. And it stopped to give me time to swim in the morning too. How perfect. I wish it would rain tomorrow too, and the day after, and the day after the day after.....

**********************************************************

I changed my blog song again. Colourblind. Old song. Nice lyrics. But a tinge too happy I realised. Too many colours. There seems to be only black and white in my world, and grey. Any suggestions for the next song? I am open to ideas.

Today was meet the folks day. What can I say? I guess I feel some resentment. Lies. Lies galore. The teacher doesn seem to be trying to help me in any way. Instead, it seems more like kicking me while I am down, or stoning the person in the well. What kind of teacher will do that?

What was she trying to do? Sow discord between parent and child? Why on earth will she pick out the worse case scenarios to make you look worse then you ever are? Show how I dropped from a C in econs for block tests to a U now. Just makes me wonder why the hell did I even get that C before. And yes show how I plunged from C to S for chemistry too, coupled with the additional point that mid years are supposed to be easier than block tests. What a lie! What a freaking lie! Even teachers from the physics department knows that it was a killer paper. And theres can be the testimonials of the failures for chem to support my point. Imagine getting a U and still being in the top 250 in level for chemistry. Means some hundreds of students are getting worse Us. Easier. My foot.

There wasnt a good thing to say about me. Even my GP grades were not satisfactory for her. Fortunately my dad was very supportive of me. And so she moved on to how I could be overconfident. Great.

She said I was distracted in class and wasn focussing. Was it her own opinion? Though she said my tutors noticed. Shrugs. I admit I dont concentrate in her class. How many times do I need to learn to skim and scan anyway. She told me not to consult her with people of lower language standard than me. Cause she will teach at their level and I wont get much benefit. I wonder what standard does she teach at class then. Then again, am I really being distracted this year?

Anyway, I was just glad it was over. Without any benefits at all.

But I really wonder, was that necessary? To make me look bad? To demoralise me? The grades have already startled me. Is there a need to scare me more? What if I cant take it and decide to give up instead? Like its any of her business anyway. Perhaps she was just plain biased? People who do worse than me seem to have better remarks on their report slip.

One positive effect though. I am never going to let her see my parents again. So I guess I have to work?

Though I am afraid I am giving myself too much pressure. I get really frustrated and lost when I get stuck on some question now. I question my own intelligence. I wonder if I am the only one. I wonder how much more stress I can really take. What if I break like a stick? No amount of glue will make me the same again.

Got to keep going and think less for now. Gambatte!

And to those people who were similarly demoralised by her, ignore and move on.

Put The Big Red Button on your site

Just a note, this is a complete waste of time, so if you need to waste time like me, then go ahead. I completed the cycle. And yes credits to my freshie Audrey, koped from her blog. = ="

Its official. Meet the parents. Not so much difficulty breaking the news. But guess what? I guess I feel kind of guilty I had been the most hardworking for the whole evening. Im like doing stuff in advance. Finished the econs essay for this week. Did the chemistry time trial stuff that needed to be handed in on Friday, and not just questions 7 from group A and 3 from group B. I did everything. Im somewhat crazy. Maybe it should be everyday that I get the news that my folks got to meet the teacher.

Then again, I guess I still lack endurance. Found myself rushing through the cheat sheet for physics. Bleahs. And I still have problem with some questions, like will get totally stuck till Im unstuckable, whatever that means. Im working on it yeah?

I think I been much of a mental turmoil recently. I been thinking alot, too much for my own good probably. Wierd thoughts, thoughts I never thought I will ever think of. Actually seeing what I always hated to be possibly right. I guess sometimes I get tired too. I should keep my mind off such issues but its not easy. I should definitely try though, at least till after this whole bloody examination shit. Just about 4 months more.

Oh well. Keep going alvin.

Good to see you are fine.

The wind lifts the colourful kite. The stronger the wind, the more glorious the flight of the kite, the spectrum of colours merging with the wonders of the horizon. Yet, the moment the wind dies, the sight that was once remarkable is but a normal kite again, a piece of randomly designed paper with bamboo structures. The same kite that can be found being produced in bulk at some factory in a far away land. Not very special again.

This world is created in a way that every thing is linked. The cow eats the grass and the tiger eats the cow. The water evaporates to form clouds, and the clouds return the water as rain. It is indeed a beautiful world.

However, the way everything complements everything could be as ugly as it could be beautiful. If one day, we found that the sun no longer rose, it would be the end of the world, for everything relies on the sun. A minor decline in any factor in the world could have lead to an evantual disaster in some other part of the world. Things that seem totally irrelevant at first sight.

Then again, links like this cannot really be explained can it? How it is formed, how it actually strengthens to an extent that a dependence is created. We are part of this chain for a reason. And for this reason, I accept.

看着你的无奈，我的心里也仿佛在滴着血，但我原是这个傻瓜， 默默地担心你。

Finally a day of rest, perhaps too much. I practially slept till slightly before noon. At least there wasnt much of a hangover from the excessive sleep. Tried to do a little homework. Did some maths and chemistry but got stuck here and there. Or perhaps I am still lacking the discipline. Got to get back to the books later.

Went to watch Harry Potter yesterday. We had booked the tickets at GV Plaza the day before but arrived there to find that they had sold 3 of our tickets. Made me about 40% pissed. Firstly, we were not late. Secondly, even if we were, it was due to a bloody slacker closing the counter for god knows how many precious minutes. Thirdly, the bloody ang moh at the counter was just concerned with slanging his way through in an atrociously cocky manner, with not a tinge of apology in his tone, thinking we are stupid chinese who cant understand english. He was probably only concerned about pushing the blame to his chinese colleague. Yes we know you think he is an idiot, you dont have to emphasise it. And to his colleague who happily slanged back, shame on you, speak like a chinese dammit. Poor customer service, period.

Anyway, we were lucky enough to get seats at The Cathay instead. Second row from the front though, and we were late for the show. Anyway, the show was not bad. Could understand it though I didn read the book. But it makes me feel like reading. But I dont think I will have the time anyway. And yeah, the counter service at The Cathay was good. She was patient enough for us to make the decisions. No complains. And the ushers were even glad to help hold a ticket for Terence who was late. Kudos to them.

Had Carls Jr for dinner. Yes I admit I am a suagu and it was my first time eating there. Was not bad at all. The burger was big (ya duh), the fries were not bad, and the drinks were refillable. Didnt really exploit the drink fountain though, was pretty full. Anyway there was this thing on the menu called beef chilli cheese fries that sounded and looked so yummilicious good. Too bad there wasnt space for it. Next time yeah? And yes the service there was really good. The waitress who walked by even bothered to ask if there was anything else we needed after we got our orders. Now thats what I call service.

And so that was my day out. Was pretty good I guess and I hoped it cheered some people up.

Be strong girl.

Okay its all over. Its not AUSSU or USBUS. Its CUSUS. I guess I overrated myself. Screwed my paper 1. I am facing a writing crisis I guess. Nothing is working well. No one appreciates my writing anymore. And thats the second major paper 1 in a row that I didn do well in.

It is quite depressing. Only passing 1 H1 is not fun at all. And I am back to square one I guess. Without any comfortable subject, struggling. Its not that I am not trying. But it just is not as easy said then done.

I guess there is no point harping on the whole matter I guess. Its time to move on and try harder. But I am really not sure where to go from here. I am trying to do my tutorials and school revision stuff very regularly. Though tutorials are still pretty undoable, like group VII, but I do try harder. I am considering revising on myself now. Though it seems like pretty no where now.

But I dont know what really I should start with. Practicing tutorials for maths didn work. Practicing TYS for physics didn work. So what? I guess tutorials still. Now I need to find the motivation to start. And then keep it in drive.

I really do wonder sometimes, if what Mr Gohel said was true. That our studying in school wasnt paying off at all. I wonder. I really do. If it was just the paper standard or that it was purposeless. I know I probably do more in school than at home, especially during the holidays, but then again quality is questioned. But if I were to study at home, I guess the optimal period is from 11pm-3am. Not a great time.

Oh well. I guess I will give it more than. I will not give up my life but I guess I have to strike a better balance.

And to all those people who didnt well as well, be strong, and try again.

Funny, shuting and yvonne low though I carved my name into my hand or something. I dont think I am that emo and crazy to try something like that yet. Black pen and red highlighter. Quite a good effect I realised. Just give it some time to wear off.

A little update.

H1 General Paper ?
H2 Physics S
H2 Chemistry S
H2 Mathematics U
H1 Economics U

Not looking exactly that great still. Its very bad to be exact, not a H2 pass, though I know of people who are worse off than me. Is it just the mid years? Or are we really just not cut out for studying?

Physics. I dont really know if I should cry or laugh. The total marks for all the papers is 180. To get a pass, you need 81 marks. All those who passed maths should have figured that. I used a calculator. Anyway, I think heaven is playing a joke on me. I got 80 marks. Flat. On one side, its close to a pass, so good attempt? On the other side, its close to a pass, why didn I just bloody pass? It wasnt as bad as I expected but yeah, it just sucks when you place all you hope on one bloody subject and yeehah they fool you by one mark.

Everyone seems to have a subject they are better at. So at least they could get a nice and comfortable pass in that. Not me. I suck in practically every subject. Even chemistry has hit the rocks. And maths was as bad as it felt. Not even close to a pass. I really wonder what I can do.

Then again wait a moment. I guess my subject is GP. Too bad it aint a H2.

So on a lighter note, I guess I did okay for GP. Havent got it all back but 30.5 for paper 2 isnt that bad I guess? Actually I am quite happy with it haha. Especially AQ. I looked at it and I instantly thought siao! 6/8. I am impressed.

So its paper 1 tomorrow. I really hope for a A in GP actually, but it will probably be B or less. I couldnt possibly get 39.5 for my essay now right? But an A will definitely make my SUSU grades look much better. Like AUSSU instead of USBUS. Way cooler. Susu is milk in malay by the way. Lol.

I guess GP is really what I am proud of. Breaking the stereotype that science students dont do GP. I guess science students are just too structured? Thats why they teach GP to us so structured-ly as well. And GP is hardly mug-able. So to all those muggers out there. Go try mugging GP man.

This blog really records everything.

My mid year results from last year.

H1 General Paper D
H2 Physics E
H2 Chemistry C
H2 Maths E
H1 Economics U

Not very fantastic but hey I passed all my H2s.

My promos results from last year.

H1 General Paper A
H2 Physics C
H2 Chemistry C
H2 Mathematics C
H1 Economics S

An improvement. GP is like wow. And I got straight Cs now for H2s now. And finally subpassed my econs.

My block tests results.

H1 General Paper E
H2 Physics E
H2 Chemistry C
H2 Mathematics U
H1 Economics C

GP was disappointing. And the rest began to look a teeny weeny bit like 2006 Mid Year results. Even worse. Passed econs though I think, I didn really blog explicitly on this.

Alright time to quit beating about the bush. Why the sudden want to dig up old records? Cause I guess I am going to break all the records soon. Not in a good way definitely.

First looks.

H1 General Paper ?
H2 Physics ?
H2 Chemistry S or U
H2 Mathematics ?
H1 Economics U

I guess all will be known tomorrow. But things are definitely not looking good. My straight track record of Cs for Chemistry is crushed. And econs is knocked out again, just when things were starting to improve during block tests. From the look on Mr Gohels face, I got a feeling that I didn do too well either, probably a U. And maths, did I say I gave up on it even before the exams? Terrible. It looks like I may not get a single H2 pass. And for GP, its super unpredictable, paper 2 was difficult.

I really dont understand why this is happening to me. I know I am not your hardcore mugger but I could at least pass? It is not like I didn study at all. I did. I even practiced, not just flip through notes. I could even say that it is probably one of the times I studied harder. And here I am breaking all records. It aint fair at all.

Am I really expected to give up everything to a life of books and tutorials? Is doing TYS twice to practice for one exam the only way that can really work? What happened to brains? I know I am not stupid, neither are some of the friends around me. But why is this happening to us? I really cant. I cant be a hardcore mugger. I cant. I cant give up my life. I cant just eat books daily with worksheets as drinks. I need to breathe. Its like asking me to cut of a limb. What can I do realy?

The worst possible thing that could happen to me will be a U for physics. It will really crush me I guess. For that was what I really worked hard for. I really dont know what to expect. But it seems quite apparent.

It is like falling through air after falling off a building. The end is almost certain, yet here I am in denial. I didnt jump off myself. I was trying to build a bridge to the higher building opposite the road, but my construction failed me, and I am falling.

Somebody catch me.

I think I am growing old, turning into a rickety old man. Just one day of bowling and I am aching everywhere. Not good. Yeah its probably just a lack of exercise. And my forth finger hurts as usual, which is worrying.

On a finer note, went swimming today! Was feeling better in the morning so decided to go. Was a night of torture though, caught in between the flu bug and dreams. Somehow my bad dreams is always about something perpetual, just keeps going on and on, without and end. Imagine like falling forever and forever, or doing something without a significant ending point. Not very scary now but it just freaks me out in dreamland. Wierd.

Anyway, yes went swimming. Swam about 20 laps only. And didn play with the slide. =X And didn sun much too, not much sun. But I feel fitter already. Hahas. Should make it an effort to swim more often, maybe like every weekend? If I can afford the time. = ="

My desktop is screwing up. Really pissed me off. It like keeps shutting off by its self suddenly and coming up with funny error reports. And when I ran some scans on it, it shutted down when the scan was done, before I could delete all the adware and stuff. Crappers. And so I had to redo it all over again. But I guess its pretty fine now, considering that I can blog on it. Dont shut down now please lol.

The homework is getting on my nerves. I cant seem to do it as usual. Like how am I expected to work out the Chemistry paper 1 when I cant possibly get full marks. And I tikamed most of it. = =" And stuck on tutorials as usual. So I just decided to slack for the rest of the day.

Watched Happily Never After which my sis rented, and I watched it before her hahas. Shhh. =X Then there was the new 7 o clock show on channel 8. Quite funny and interesting I think.

So I guess my weekends is over for now. Back to the never ending workload. =( Jiayou alvin.

I would have loved to see you today.

Went bowling with Shawn and Terence today. Finally after 9213894128 gazillion years. Okay maybe thats abit of an exagaration. =x Anyway, I guess games were still not bad, considering the time lapse. I guess things are more fun and relaxed now that we have stepped down.

One significant game, 5 out of 7 solid pockets got me the pin 10 left standing. I only spared the first two. After that I got abit pek chek so I kept missing by a few cm. Lols. Very frustrating indeed. Quite funny too, I think I saw the bowler on the next lane like arm chio. = ="

Anyway just for information ladies and gentlemen, the price hike has hit Kovan Superbowl as well. The rates are now $2.80 per game, not $2.20. =( I only found out after playing 6 games. Woohoo. This leaves me quite dry.

Went to play snooker after that. Its sort of my first time playing. And hell its difficult. Its hard to even hit the ball not to say hit the precise angle. Even when you think you hit correctly, the ball behaves sort of differently. And its wierd but less strength is needed although the table is bigger. So not being very pro, we ended up playing pool on snooker table. Still more diffcult but I managed to win once. =)

Tomorrow going swimming. But I feel abit sick already. Must be the weather. Looks like a flu coming. Throat feels dry and sore and some nasal discomfort. Bleahs. Oh well will still go swimming I hope, and yeah no rain please!

On a random note, did you wear green today? I did.

School is not fun at all. 2 days back and I already see homework. Lots of homework.

Actually I guess some of it is just haunting me from the past. Those stuff that teachers believed we would have done to revise. The average student would have done it I guess. Too bad I am not average. So CORRELATION, group VII and other crappy tutorials resurface in my world. Sorry for capitalising correlation, I just have a tendency to call it recurrence which I almost did, so I need to remind myself.

Then there is some crappy GP project. So I was in some kind of crappy mood on Thursday morning and made 2 mistakes. One, not reading properly. I could have made up my own group instead of GP group. Not that my GP group is not cool, its just that some of them seem hard to contact and we see on different eye levels. Second, why the heck did I choose ethics and morals. And now I get stuck on a infinitely broad topic and have to answer questions like do we need ethics and morals and do ethics and morals change with time. The answer is duh. But one word answers are sadly a no-no in GP.

Its time to get back in the right attitude. I have been too much in a relaxed mood I guess. Its just computer and sleep and teevee at home. No homework. Doesnt sound right. I need to get started soon. Rawr.

School sucks did I say?

And craps I almost forgot. Oops.

Anyway...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVONNE NG!!!

Yeah. Though you cant grow taller anymore its okay, you can grow smarter, you can grow more matured, and er er yeah, you get my point. So though theres just about less than an hour left. Enjoy! Happy 18th. =)

Back to school today. But not for my civics tutor I guess. Did a no show on the first day. How exciting. But kudos to two free periods though, although there were tasks at hand, supposedly.

Nothing very eventful, just getting used to dreadful school days again. A long thursday was a great way to start us off. Lol.

Anyway, there was height and weight today during PE. I was kind of dreading it. I knew I wasnt growing much taller. But I am growing much heavier, very very much more. And yep, the figures showed it. Didn grow vertically as expected but 64.7kg.

I know it may seem kind of light to some of you folks out there but lets remember that I am only 1.69m tall and I used to be some 10kg lighter than that at about the same height. And I think I put on some of it only recently. Thanks to the mid-years.

I really believe theres some connection between examinations and weight gain. Firstly, you are cooped up in some sitting or lying position for many hours trying to do tutorials, TYS and flipping desperately through notes. Thats not very much exercise isnt it. Secondly, I tend to eat alot when studying. When I am bored, when I am stressed, when I need it. And hey it shows. And that was only about 2 weeks. Wonder what will the scales show after A levels.

I have a phobia of scales now. They say army will slim you down but damm I am not going to wait till then. I might qualify for early admission by then. So I am going to have to lose some weight soon. The target is 60kg but I am not really going by that anyway. As long as I feel I look okay its fine. Lol.

I dont believe in starving myself. Though I could cut down on waffles with kaya or chocolate on my stroll home. So I am going to exercise. Lots. Swim, run, cycle, walk, whatever. And get back in shape.

I hope I dont sound bimbo-itic in this post. The word is metrosexual. Yeah? XD

Back to life.

The examinations are finally over. My timetable is now in the dustbin of E2-2, probably no longer there, but yeah you get the point.

Went to sort of celebrate Yvonne Ngs birthday today. Its tomorrow so I guess I leave the wishes to tomorrows post. Realised Pizza Hut still has student meal, surprisingly. I thought it was gone for good. But hey its value for money man. Thats nice. After that went to watch Nancy Drew. Its alright I guess. Always thought it was a girls book so girls show but yeah its alright. And hung round lots as usual. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the so called celebration. Haha.

Its wierd aint it? People always look forward to the end of the examinations to find that theres nothing very much to look forward to after all. Its kind of boring actually. And looking at tomorrows timetable, not very exciting as well. Double GP to start things off. Woohoo.

But hey I guess it will still be better off than the examination period. Just normal peaceful life. And theres the new canteen to try out as well. Havent eaten that yet. Yeah. So I guess there are things to look forward to, though there are things I dread as well, in normal day life. Sigh.Overlook them alvin.

So its back to school then. =)

I dont want to just watch helplessly, sometimes.

Just one more day. One more freaking paper.

Look at this scraped up piece of paper.

How long did I take to cancel out the papers one by one. 1 month before I could even begin. And 8 days into the process. Finally. Finally all thats left is the paper circled in pink. Finally.

WOOHOO!

I know its abit early but hey I am not going to study anymore. Maybe except flipping here and there. Just 2 hours more of mental distress.

Looking forward to the end man.

But hey yeah still one paper left in reality. Do your best people. =)

The three days of holiday has finally come to a ceasure. Three days of boredom. Three days of wanting to play, but not being able to be fully enjoy myself. Three days of struggling to study. Three long days. Finally.

Back to the examinations then. I managed to study finish I guess, more or less. But there just seems to be something missing. The uncertaintity, the unfamiliarity. Not expecting what will really happen. I just hope for the best then.

So since there was a break. Time to wish everyone all the best again. Lol. Yeah lets give it our best, for two days more only. Jiayou jiayou jiayou!

And yeah, happy youth day! XD