Time seems to be passing fast. Countdowns are everywhere. 26 days, conveniently taken off the nick of someone. Soon it will be 20 days, then 10, and slowly the fingers will move towards the palm, till the fists are balled up, no fingers left sticking out, no more days left to prepare.

Im worried, seriously. People seem to be moving on. I seem stagnant. I see how people complete practice papers, while I get stuck at the first few questions. I see how even people I though were slackier than me have done more than me. Complacent? No I am not. I wouldnt be worrying if I were.

Im just caught in the middle. I need my own time. I would prefer my own time. But here I am going to school everyday for lectures everyday absorbing lesser than I can imagine. Why not skip school then? Why everyone else seems to be hitting college and I need group study. I am a troublesome person I know.

Actually I wonder if doing okay for this prelims is good or not. I feel like I am where I do not belong. My grades have placed me far higher than I think I actually am. While everyone can do that deductive question, I find myself cowering among question marks. While everyone can intergrate and differentiate like it was the process of consuming and defaecting, I feel like I dont have an appetite and constipation at the same time. I seriously wonder what I am doing sometimes. Why am I here, where I dont belong.

I rather not think about it anymore. I guess all I can hope for is the best, the best to come out from all the confusion I am facing now. Perhaps I will find my way soon. Perhaps.