I guess I have not been too happy in recent days. And it doesn make sense to leave this feelings unquestioned. Why? I reckon its due to discontentment, about just everything in life. Everything could be much better, but it just turns out this way. And it causes me to lose my passion for life, to keep drifting, day after day, week after week.

I spend most of time in school. And so some source of angst must come from here. Indeed. Its beginning to get so montonous. Its just doing tutorials and sitting through lectues, or not doing tutorials and get scolded and then sit through lectures. Im counting down to the end of lessons each day. Used to be about 10 minutes before end, but now its going up to half an hour. But wasnt school always that way? It is just that the pace is picking up I guess.

On top of that, I think the class is changing. Its something that nobody can deny. We no longer enjoy the simple pleasures of life anymore, that is each others company. I mean whats up with all these rubix cubes and chess sets? Since when were we the intellectual games club? I have been in first classes all my life and never had I seen such a pathetic state before. Lessons are already bad enough and this is what happens during free time? 2 people playing some board game and many others gathering around deriving such great fun that I cannot comprehend. Playing yes I understand, but watching? And its like crowding in big groups. And so are all of us supposed to just gather round and watch as well? I cant understand this. Perhaps I will get shot by a mob of angry uncles from the community centre soon.

Then again it is perhaps just me. I never liked to use my brains. Maybe I dont have brains. Maybe I am just not suited to such a class. Class of people who have the discipline to study hard and the ability to enjoy using their brains. And perhaps due to the smaller size of JC classes, fellow slackers are harder to find. And I find myself inevitably morphing into what I hate to see. What I used to despise. The one who is devoid of a sense of enjoyment.

I really dread to see this happen. I used to love my class. I was very much proud of ourselves. I thought that we had a fantastic spirit. I thought that we would make JC fun. But where is this spirit now? When was the last time we went out? Perhaps its just the prison of time caging up our hearts. We no longer have the time for anything. We rather spend the time to improve ourselves. I dont know. I am pretty much confused. But I know I still want to love this class. I hope we be fine again after this period of CCA commitments.

Speaking of CCA, I guess I am so underperforming too. 1 week to competition and I am still so inconsistent. I hope its just because of fatigue and stuff. But I can see that the whole team is improving. That is good. I will try my best to improve too. Lets work hard together.

I guess its just this discontentment. Everyone wants to be so much more. I want to be so much more. So why do I blame people. We just have our different directions to head in. I do hope that the different paths of this crossroads will lead us back together one day though.

And I am so discontented with how the people around us are making things so different. I am afraid and I guess you are too.