Underperformed. Thats the one word that describes my plight. Sure I know that I dont speak chinese very well, but I thought my paper was fine. I could read chinese for sure, and writing was okay. The C on that result slip, it was okay for a while, before it dawned on me how poorly I had actually done. C was okay for those promo examinations but this was the A levels and I had wanted a B at least. I knew I had failed myself. And thats the worst disappointment of all.

But no use frowing over what had happened. I had collapsed like a flop on the floor but I knew I had to pick myself up. It was difficult, I had felt really strengthless, as I watched my friends walking by without stopping to offer a hand. I guess they probably didn know what I needed as well, some peace and quiet, some words of encouragement, or just a strong firm tug to reality. I really needed the last option but there is no one who can help you without you helping yourself first. And so with the remaining of my strength, I pushed myself off the cold hard floor. I had to get on with life.

The rain was ideal. I needed it. But it was funny how the guys up there play around with the elements. I had just planned to get a little drizzle on my face to wash away the misery. But the wind suddenly grew strong and I was soaked. It was funny. I just had to laugh. And so thanks to the rain for letting me smile again.

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A holiday at last. A one day holiday. I had been feeling the fires of fatigue burning at my feet the whole of last week and this bucket of water could not have been more appropriate. But then again, when it really comes, I dont know what to do with it. Already feeling quite bored. I need sleep quite abit but I know not too much, or else it would have a countereffect. So what can I do with the rest of my time? No idea.

My sense of responsibility tells me to study for that upcoming chemistry test. One subject already down the drain, better buck up for the rest right? And try to match those four As set up in the hall of fame by my sister. Congrats to her though. But then again, it is a holiday dammit. Are holidays really merely study breaks? As in breaks from school to study not a break from studying. I feel like slacking.

The stigma involved with mugging doesn help much. But its probably time I ignored all this and focus. Focus on my responsibility and goal. Doing well this block test wont harm much, probably just get the teachers off my back for a while. Continuing to fail will just give me extra pressure and it is senseless. Might as well break it up. But can I keep it up myself? Some peer motivation wont harm. And so I will try to group study lots during that one week of holiday and hopefully it pays off abit.

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Time to smile more and make the world a happier place. =)

Still looking for that something.