Its not easy to keep up. Never. I was never born with much of an initiative. I can force myself to initiate but all of a sudden I will find myself in a confusion. Have I been over assertive? Do I really have the right to do so much? Who the hell do I think I am? It happens. In all cases of life too. It happens to me.

So why bother? Why not just do not take the initiative? I know thats possible but I am fearful. What if I miss out on the opportunity forever? Dreams are but dreams. And in this dream, the longer it perpetuates, the closer it seems to the time the alarm clock is going to ring. What if one day, I wake up, to find it all gone. Gone. I have been too late.

I wish I would have more courage, more confidence, more belief in myself, but it is not easy to acheieve. I need confirmation. I need a sign. To let me go on. To let me live this dream to the fullest. So that even if its over one day, it will be a beautiful one, deeply etched in my mind. Forever and ever.

But if I let go, I will never know.