Here I am, once again, listening to emotional sappy songs. I guess my one year has passed well, but I find myself back to the vulnerable person I once was. Sure enough, I have gotten accustomed to things around here. I love my class, and I have finally come to terms with this captaincy that I found myself unable to handle when I first stepped up to office, unprepared and unready. Orientation has passed, and I am sharing the good relationship with Calliso 1 I always wanted to maintain with the Regulus 3 of the past year. Life seems almost wonderful now.

School life is rather handleable now. Although I am seriously behind in some topics, but that can be sulvaged in time to come. I am on the ball on most assignments and tutorials, or at least about the same as last year. I guess the laziness is still there, and this perpetual fatigue, but its normal I guess. However, perhaps human beings are never satisfied with what we have. The list of wants never ends. When life is peaceful, we want synergy in our lives and when life is too happening and tiring, we want the period of rest and recuperation. Thats normal I guess.

So is that why I am feeling this void within the corners of me? It is like hunger pangs yet unsatisfied no matter how much fan you jia at the cai fan store. It needs something more, cause this emptiness lies not near the stomach, not in the lungs, not in the brain, but in this all famous heart that throbs with every second of my life. It is familiar, yet still so foreign. I guess I can place a finger on it, but do not know it by name. But then again, is it a cause? Or and effect?

It makes me crazy. Just makes me feel like down and stuff at unpredictable times of the day, the type when you just feel like shedding tears for nothing at all, just to release the steam that is bottled up inside. And I am reminded of this torment everywhere I go. And everytime I am reminded, it just stays long, long enough till the next dose of this drug is injected directly to the vena cava to my heart. Its too much to handle, or is it just because I am running away? Would it be better if I just admitted it and follow the path that my heart has mapped out in my brain? But then again, it is like fighting a battle with only 1 hand. It is quite impossible, and sacrifices have to be made. Like stabbing your comrade in the back just to get to the limited food supply left for the warriors of this lost war.

Time will show the way. I have to rely on the painkillers of friendship and family for now. But I know I will be out of this soon enough, I hope. Put a smile on my face, and be the happy-go-lucky guy I had always been. I should be. I have finally found my place in this school and this circle of life. Why not?

Theres this song that describes what I feel, well sort of. BB Mak, Ghost Of You And Me. Lyrics are on my ETC page, enjoy.